The Special Paper
by Anthony Staffenhagen
Summary: Based on the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, The Paper. Luan Special finds a piece of paper that she finds fun to play with. One of her sisters wants to take it from her.


It was a bright and sunny day, like it seems to be almost always on _The Loud House_ for some reason. I wouldn't think that's what Michigan is like. Is it? I've never been there. What you're reading right now is a different universe than _The Loud House_, and it's not even set in Michigan, but still.

Sorry about that. Let's get back on topic.

Wanting to get away from her annoying younger sister, Lana Special stepped outside into her empty front yard and laid back in a blue lawn chair. "Ah, time to relax," she said to herself. She then unwrapped a piece of gum that was wrapped in a plain white piece of paper. After putting the gum in her mouth and beginning to chew it, she threw the piece of paper onto the ground, planning to pick it back up and recycle it later.

From the living room window, one of Lana's many sisters saw what she was doing. This sister of hers gasped as if she had just witnessed a tragedy and then ran outside. "WRENCH!" she yelled. It was none other than the very person Lana had come outside to avoid having to be around, Luan.

"Well, time to go," Lana whined, upset that her attempt to be alone didn't work at all. Forgetting about the paper, she began to fold up the lawn chair she had been using.

"You dropped this little piece of paper," Luan said after picking the former candy wrapper up off the ground and showing it to her sister.

Lana responded by saying, "Oh, right. Do you mind throwing that away for me?"

"Now why would I do that?" Luan asked, hoping her sister didn't think she meant it should be recycled instead. The little jokester had other ideas for what should be done with the paper.

"What else would you do with it? It's only garbage."

"GARBAGE?! But, Wrench, if you didn't hate SpongeBob and had seen the episode we're doing a remake of right now, you would know that this paper is a gold mine of entertainment! A spectacular afternoon of above water fun! A Shovel Knight game of..."

Wanting her sister to shut up, Lana brought her face up close to hers and shouted, "GARBAGE!"

"So you don't want it?"

"Right," Lana answered with her back turned to her sister as she went back into the house and shut the door.

"Thank you," Luan politely responded despite no one being around to hear her say it. She then looked down at the paper that now belonged to her and began to speak to it as if it were alive. "Ah, Mr. Paper, I am so lucky to have a sister like Lana."

The paper then spontaneously grew a face and looked up at the young girl. "Did you just assume my gender?" he said.

"Sorry about that. Are you a girl paper?"

"No. I just don't get how you could tell I'm a dude. So anyway, what's so lucky about being sisters with Lana?"

"Nothing. I only said that because SpongeBob said something similar."

Inside the house, Luan's identical twin was trying to play her guitar, but her focus kept getting interrupted by the sound of Luan giggling. Wanting to see what was so funny, Luna went across the hall to Leni and Lori's room so she could look out their window. What she caught sight of was Luan walking around in circles with her new paper friend and her favorite of the family's three pets.

"Ben, watch this!" Luan said before climbing up onto the roof. "I'm Luan Junglecial! I've taken the form of a box of army supplies, bringing relief to the hungry troops!" She then jumped off, landing flat on her face, but she was cartoonishly unharmed. "What the heck, The Paper? You were supposed to be my parachute."

"Oh. Well, I didn't know that. You have to communicate these things to me."

After the paper gently floated down, Luan grabbed him and held him out in front of Ben. "And now the bullfight! Today I learned 'bullfight' is one word. Toro, toro, Ben! Toro, toro! Toro, Ben, toro..." No matter how much she waved the paper in front of Ben, he wouldn't move an inch. Luan had to resort to moving him on her own, using her foot. "Olay!"

Luna had been watching all of this and it was impossible for her not to smile at it. "I wanna play with the paper too!" she enthusiastically shouted before making her way to the front yard. "Can I have a turn?" she asked.

"Not yet. I'm not done," her twin answered. "It's time for impressions! An individual with a mustache." Putting the paper under her nose, she said "Look at me, I'm an individual with a mustache!" in an unusual voice. "A pirate with an eyepatch!" This time, she put the paper over one of her eyes. "I do what I want 'cause a pirate is free!" Taking the paper off her eye, she said "A person who is not a pirate with an eyepatch!" before putting it back on. "I suggested we play darts with the lights off. That was a bad idea."

Luna then said, "Do a big yellow idiot with a stupid piece of paper." for no reason other than because so did Squidward. She said it without any sarcasm, unlike the octopus.

"Nope! It's time for oral-gami." After chewing the paper briefly, Luan stuck her tongue out, revealing she had turned the paper into the shape of a penguin.

**_BIRD! YAY!_**

Repeating the process, the paper was now in the shape of an apple.

**_SNOWFLAKE! YAY!_**

On the final time she did it, the paper took on the shape of a football.

**_THE BETTER FEBRUARY HOLIDAY! YAY!_**

"That little paper sure seems like fun. Can I please have a turn now?" Luna asked.

"No, you may not," responded the paper.

"But I was gonna..."

"We have to follow the plot of the original episode, so go inside and read a magazine."

Upset, Luna did what the paper told her and went back into the house. Sitting down on the couch, she grabbed a magazine off the coffee table and opened it up. "Luan, honestly, and her dumb paper. She calls that fun?" she whined. "Now, reading 'Boring Analytical Music Digest,' that's fun!" She looked through the pages to try to find something she would be interested in, but completely failed to do so. "I'm pretty sure this is all classical music. Spec that!" She then tossed the magazine behind the couch.

Wanting to skip ahead to a part of the episode she was looking forward to, Luna went back to the front yard with a ventriloquist dummy that resembled herself. "Luan's gonna be so jealous of what I'm about to do! Hey, Little Luna, what's purple and ugly and has ridiculous hair?"

"I don't know. But have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"Haha, classic!" Luan said to the puppet. "Your turn, The Paper."

"What happened to the paper that fell in the ocean?"

"I don't know. What happened to the paper that fell in the ocean?"

"It was all washed up!"

"Haha! I don't actually get it, but I'm young enough that I find it funny anyway. This is one of the reasons why sitcoms have laugh tracks. It's to get you to laugh at something even if you don't get it. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm one of the people that's worked on."

A while later, the second oldest sibling in the Special family was driving Luna somewhere. "Lisa is driving me to the arcade and I am going to have fun, whatever the cost may be!" the young musician said. "Hey, Luan, can your stupid paper do this?"

The paper, who had grown wings, flew by with Luan holding onto him. "Nope," he said. "It would be cool if I could drive!"

"Lisa, pull over!" Luna demanded. Lisa did what she wanted and Luna got out with her guitar. "Well, you can't play music with a piece of paper!" She then played a quick little snippet of one of Luan's favorite songs.

"I fail to see what difference it makes if I can play music or not," stated the paper. "What your goal is has not been established at all."

"I want a turn to play with you!" Grabbing her twin's hand, Luna tried to take the paper from her. No matter how hard she tried, the paper would stay in place and this made Luan's arm fling around like crazy. "Give me the paper! Now let go of him. I said let go of him! Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go!"

"I CAN'T! You made me promise no matter how much you begged, and pleaded, and cried not to give the paper back to you ever."

"I never said anything like that!"

"That is 100% true."

Having gotten out of the car, Lisa walked over to her little sisters to try to help with their dispute. "Guys, since the paper is alive, we should really ask him how he feels about this situation."

"I'm not alive, I just have the ability to speak," the paper corrected. "Since I'm still an inanimate object and you're all humans, you still have the right to do whatever you want with me."

"In that case, I say we go back home and see if anyone NEEDS a piece of paper for anything," suggested Lisa. "That's the person who deserves to have one the most."

They all got in the car, with the twins sitting in the very back. They angrily stared at each other for a couple of seconds until Luna shouted "Stop looking at me!"

"You stop looking at ME!"

Then they fought with each other inside of a dust cloud.

"Come on! We haven't even gotten back on the road yet!" yelled Lisa.

"What difference does that make? Kids fighting will happen when it happens. It has nothing to do with how much time a car has been moving for."

Once the twins settled down, Lisa got back on the road and turned around so she could take them all home.

"So, I guess this means the paper's still yours until we get home," Luna said. "Maybe we can trade for something." She reached into her pocket and showed what she pulled out of it to Luan.

When Luan looked down at what was in her twin's hand, she asked "Do you by any chance have something invisible in your hand too?"

"No."

"Then what you're offering me is pocket lint and the rubber band! Do I dare?"

"Oh, dare. Dare!"

"Down air? Hhhm...Which Smash character are we talking about here? Some have better down airs then others, of course."

"I know your favorite one is Richter, so him."

"His down air gets him killed though."

"Luan, do you want the rubber band or not?"

"No. Don't you remember how the SpongeBob episode ends? What he wants is Squidward's shirt."

"So do you want mine?"

"No, you have to wear it. What I want is your boots."

Without hesitation, Luna took her boots off and tossed them over. "Okay, the boots! Take 'em! Take the boots!"

"Luna's boots! I've always loved these boots! Okay, okay, I'll trade!" Luan gave Luna the paper she had been waiting all day for. She then placed the boots over the shoes she was already wearing and then held her legs up to get a better look. "I can break a promise for this."

"You didn't promise anything," said the paper, making Luan groan.

"I never said I did!"

When they got back to their house, Luna ran straight for her room, excited to get to play with the paper. "ENTERTAIN ME!" she screamed.

The paper stared at her, completely silent.

"...Uhhh, you wanna try impressions first?"

"Me and Luan already did that. Come up with something else."

"No problem. Maybe we could..." Luna stood there and tried to think of something for several minutes. She couldn't think of one single good idea to save her life. "Is there a message here? I don't get it."

"I don't think there is."

The only brother in the family, Prune Juice, happened to crawl by and the paper caught his eye. "A worthless piece of paper! Hey, thank you. That's just what I needed, Luna." He then pulled the paper over to him and then started to spit up.

"Ooh! Gross! Baby puke!" the paper complained.

Luan ran upstairs. When she spotted her brother, she said "Hey, Prune Juice. Do you like my new boots?"

"Nope! Stop!" Luna shouted. "That's a different episode. Let's just end it here."


End file.
